Heart Psalm

Dear Heavenly Father,

Sometimes, you don't seem so real to me.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, life sits like a rock in my belly.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, fear overrides faith and the future looks blah.

Sometimes.

But that is no way to live.

My heart wasn't created for fear, or for rocks, or for fiction.

So I will come to your gates with Thanksgiving.

Even when I can't see you, I will praise your name.

God of the universe, who loved me enough to allow me to taste your burden

To see how love feels when swallowed whole.

Father God, I praise your name,

God, I praise your name.  

Valued Beyond Measure

On a weekend visit home from college, I turned onto our little dirt driveway from the main road.  It had been a long drive, a long day, a long year.

And then I saw it.

Along the cow pasture fence that led up to our house, yellow flagging tape was draped purposefully, in celebratory fashion.  Our driveway is a quarter of a mile long, and the flagging tape welcomed me all the way home.  At the end, I found my dad hastily tying off the last of it.  He had a goofy smile on his face, sweat popping up on his forehead underneath his hat from his hurried display of love.  

He had a million other things to do, but this bold act of extravagance wasn't lost on me.  Did I mention that yellow is my favorite color?

I am so thankful for a father who would never hesitate to break the alabaster vase for me. 

Sweet Joy and Loving Kindness

A birthday message to my boys:  Collin, age 3; Connor, age 1

My dear, sweet, silly, and above all precious boys,

Happy Birthday to you both!  I planned to set aside a day every year to write to you individually before your birthday, but it hasn’t worked out exactly as I planned.  I won’t make excuses.  I also won’t dwell on the undone, because I have learned that God has a way of orchestrating EVERYTHING, even the flops and delays and not-good-enoughs, for his glory.

It just so happens that today is two days before Easter (yes Collin – it is your birthday cake that is in the oven today), and my message for you both this year is an Easter message.

My children, I will let you in on a secret.  Life is like a series of Easters.   You will have seasons of triumph, seasons of betrayal, seasons where the very hands of God wash your feet, seasons of cross-bearing, and seasons where God and his promises seem fraudulent, false, dead, crucified.  There will be moments when it seems that the darkness has won.

My darling boys, we are all human, and your emotions will tempt you to believe that the season you are in is the only season.  But it is not.  Because always, always there is the resurrection.

When you are tempted not to believe this, look around.  Nature, the seasons, our life spans, the birthing process . . . everything is designed to reflect this truth.  Resurrection is printed on your soul’s DNA.  

So when you make decisions, my children, make them with this truth in mind:  the resurrection is real.  Joy will come in the morning.  New mercies await around each corner.  Love can be beaten and nailed to the cross, but in the end, it will triumph.  

What does this mean? YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ACHIEVING YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.  Don’t be fooled – you will never sustain any lasting contentment based on your efforts.  You are simply responsible for beholding the resurrection with eyes and hearts wide open, witnesses to grace, recipients of love.   If you do this, joy will find you.  Loving kindness will find you.  Purpose and peace will find you.   

And your heart will be glad.

What bigger prayer could I have for your lives?  What bigger hope?  

When the darkness descends, keep your eyes open.  

Hope is on the way.

I love you, my children, always and forever.

Mama