Wakes me up
And I am glad
Not for the dream
That woke you
But for the excuse
To pick you up
At 12:30 am.
For the past
Two nights
Daddy has tucked
You in alone.
I've been at work.
Missing you every second.
But how do I share
The loss I feel
With a one year old?
All you know
Is that I was not here
At home
Where I am supposed to be.
Heavy sigh.
No one taught me
How to be
This kind of Mommy.
As you snuggle closer to me
Your baby brother --
or maybe a sister? ---
starts to kick against you.
You can't feel him or her yet
But this little one loves you
Just like I do
And knows that things are best
When you are near.
What a wonderful big brother
You will be!
I click through tomorrow's list
Wondering what I can skip
To spend some extra time with you.
But - there is nothing.
It all has to be done
Or Saturday will become a work day
And I will resent it all the more
For taking me away from you
On a day we always share.
I love holding you so close
But baby-to-be
Squirms against my bladder
And I realize that I must put you down.
I lay you in your crib
Next to the penguin Dada calls Fonzi
I tuck you in with prayers
That I can't articulate ---
Only feel.
God knows what I mean.
