Yucky!

"Alexander" aka Collin

Part I:  The Nighttime Visitor

On Monday, Alexander burped five times at dinner.

On Tuesday, Alexander wiped his nose on his brother Sam.

On Wednesday, Alexander let his dog lick his hands and then rubbed them on his mommy's face.

On Thursday, Alexander put Sam's toothbrush in the potty . . . and then tried to put it in Sam's mouth.

On Friday, Alexander helped Sam "wash his hair" with yogurt.

And on Saturday, Alexander got in so much trouble that he was sent to bed without reading any books, without playing any games, and without snuggling with Mommy and Daddy.

No books?  Could we really send this kid to bed without 1 or 2 or 5 books?!

"Alexander," Daddy said as he closed the door, "We love you very much, but you have to learn to be nice!"

The room was very dark and very still, and Alexander was just beginning to think about crying when he heard three sharp, precise knocks on his bedroom door.

Alexander sat up in his bed on his knees, grabbed his best friend Archie bear, and said, very quietly,

"Daddy?  Is that you?"

The door swung open, and in walked . . .

"A lizard?" breathed a very surprised and confused Alexander.

"In a suit?!"  Alexander's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"With a book?!"  Now Alexander was barely remembering to breathe at all.  This was the strangest thing he had ever seen.

The creature straightened his back indignantly, quietly shut the door, and flipped on a lamp.  Alexander could now see that his visitor was much bigger than a normal lizard, coming to the top of Alexander's dresser.  He was red with peculiar purple polka dots, and his suit looked like the suit that Daddy wore to his Aunt Lydia's wedding.  He had three wisps of hair combed very carefully over his head, and on his back he had two very small wings.

The creature cleared his throat and said, in a very proper voice:

"My dear child, I, ahem, am not, ahem, a lizard."  He sniffed rather snootily before continuing.  "And this,"  he dusted off his black jacket with his bright red hands, "is most certainly NOT a suit.  It is called a tuxedo."

We could have used this dragon's help getting dressed on this day!

"You look like a lizard," said Alexander.

"Don't argue child.  It's impolite," said the creature.  "Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Sir Yuckivester Angelos Andreas the Third, and I," he took a ceremonial bow, "am a dragon.  At your service."

Alexander stared at the dragon, who was becoming less scary by the moment.  He considered what the dragon had said, and then he asked,

"That's a long name.  Can I just call you Yucky?"

The red-and-purple-polka-dotted dragon turned even redder than he already was, but he managed to keep his composure.  He gingerly opened his great big book and flipped through the pages with his well-manicured dragon claws.

"Tsk, Tsk,"  he scolded.  "Dragon Rule Number 812 states, 'It is never nice to make fun of someone's name.'"  He looked up accusingly at Alexander before continuing.

"However, Dragon Rule Number 812 (a) (iiii) notes that 'a nickname is often a term of affection that is impolite to refuse.'"  The dragon sighed.

"I suppose that if we are going to be friends that I will allow you to call me . . . Yucky."  Yucky's long nose wrinkled a bit as he said his new name.

Alexander eyed the big book and then asked,

"Yucky, did Mommy and Daddy send you to read a bed time story to me?"

This time, Yucky did not hold back his distaste.

"My dear, dear child.  I am not a bed time story reader.  I am an ettiquette coach, and I am here to teach you some manners."

"Etti-what?"  asked Alexander.

"Ettiquette," repeated Yucky.  "How to behave nicely to others.  And I apparently have my work cut out for me.  If you don't mind, I am going to go to sleep so we can get started first thing in the morning."

"OK, Yucky," said Alexander.

And with that, Yucky climbed under Alexander's bed and fell fast asleep.

Part II:  The Lesson

The next morning when Alexander woke up, he jumped out of bed and looked underneath it.  No Yucky! He scratched his head.  Had he dreamed it?  But when he arrived at the breakfast table, there was Yucky, dressed in his tuxedo, smelling suspiciously of Alexander's father's aftershave, flipping through his book underneath the dining room table.  Alexander looked around. His mom was drinking coffee, Sam was smashing food in his highchair, and his dad was cooking pancakes on the griddle.  No one else seemed to notice Yucky.  Alexander shrugged and sat in his seat.  Yucky promptly stuck his head out from under the table, pointed at the book, and whispered,

"Our first lesson comes from Dragon Rule Number 933:  You should always compliment the cook on the food.  Be sure to say thank you this morning."

Just then, Alexander's father brought over a hot stack of pancakes and put them on Alexander's plate.  He turned around to tear up a pancake for Sam, and Yucky nodded encouragingly at Alexander.

Alexander took a great big bite of a pancake.  Mmmmmmm, it was delicious!  He was just getting ready to tell his dad how tasty the pancake was when his father turned back around.

"Alexander, you know better than to eat before everyone is served!  I thought we were going to work on being nice today!"

The pancake seemed to grow bigger and bigger in Alexander's mouth while his father glared at him.  Finally, it seemed too big to swallow.  He spit it out.  "I didn't mean to Daddy . . . It was . . . it was . . .Yucky.."

Alexander's mother didn't let him finish his sentence.

"Young man!  Go sit on the couch.  Your father worked hard on those pancakes.  It is not nice to tell him they are yucky, and it is certainly not nice to spit it out!"

"But, I ---"  Alexander started to try to explain, but the words seemed to stick in his mouth just like the pancake had.  Instead, he trudged over to the couch, and Yucky sheepishly followed.  While the rest of the family ate pancakes, Yucky pulled out his book.

"Oh dear.  I forgot to mention Dragon Rule Number 721," he sighed.  "Never eat before everyone else has their food.  I should have mentioned that!"

"That would have been helpful," said Alexander with a frown.  His tummy rumbled as he watched his family eat.

After breakfast, everyone got dressed for church.  Alexander went into his mom and dad's room.  He liked to play in their closet while they got dressed.  Yucky followed him.

As Alexander tried on some of his dad's sneakers, Yucky pulled out his book again.

"Let's try again with Dragon Rule Number 322.  It says 'It is always nice to tell your mother she looks pretty when she is getting dressed.'"

"OK," Alexander shrugged.  "I can do that."

He walked out of the closet and saw that his mother had just put on a dress for church.  Alexander was about to tell her how pretty she was when Yucky leaned over to whisper one last bit of advice in his ear. Unfortunately, as he leaned over to whisper he tripped over one of the shoes that Alexander had just taken off.  He accidentally pushed Alexander, who fell right into his mother.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Alexander grabbed her nice new dress, and it split clear down the middle.

"Alexander!"  his mother exclaimed.  "Look what you did to my dress!  You have to learn to be careful."

"I'm sorry mommy," he said, climbing up to apologize, "I didn't mean to rip it.  It was Yucky!"

Now Alexander's mother's eyes filled with tears and she said,

"Alexander!  That is not nice to say at all! Mommy's dress was not yucky!  I think you need to go sit on the couch and think about what you said!"

For the second time that morning, Alexander trudged to the couch.  Yucky followed, with his book in tow.

"Ahem," said Yucky, opening the book one more time.  "This morning is not going very well, but I think I know how you can make all of this better."

Alexander glared at Yucky, but he decided to give him one more chance.

"How?"  he asked.

"Dragon Rule Number 1,000 always helps in a pinch."   Yucky read from the book, "It is always nice to share your favorite toy with your brother."

Alexander looked to where Sam was playing in the play yard with some blocks.  He sighed, looked at Yucky, and said, "OK - I'll try."

He got up from the couch, went to his room, and got his favorite toy:  his foam pirate sword.  He brought it downstairs, put it in the play yard, and said, "Here Sam.  You can play with my pirate sword."

Sam looked at the sword, smiled at Alexander, pulled it to his mouth, and took a big bite out of the foam. He chewed it in his mouth for a moment, tried to swallow it, and started to cough.

Into the hand, into the mouth at this age . . . 

Alexander's mother and father rushed into the room.  They saw the sword, saw baby Sam, and glared at Alexander.

"What have you done?!"  Alexander's father exclaimed angrily.

He picked up Sam, thumped him on his back, and a big piece of foam sword flew out of Sam's mouth.  Sam gurgled and then grinned a big toothy smile.

Alexander's father looked at Alexander long and hard.

"That's it, young man.  You're in big trouble.  I'll have to think about your punishment, but it won't be fun."

Alexander hung his head.  He thought about telling his parents about Yucky, but it wouldn't do any good.  It would just make them mad like the other times Alexander tried to explain.

A tear trickled down his cheek and his tummy felt hot and rumbly.  He looked at Yucky, shook his head, and mouthed,  "Go home."

Yucky pulled out his book, flipped a few pages, and read, "Dragon Rule 2,012:  A guest never stays past his welcome."

He bowed to Alexander, closed the book, and sadly walked to the door.  Quick as a flash, he opened it and slipped out.  No one said good-bye.  In fact, no one but Alexander seemed to even notice that Yucky had been there at all.

Part III:  All's Well that Ends Well

Later that day, after church and his nap, Alexander's mom and dad came and sat on his bed.

"Alexander," said his mom, "We've been thinking about it.  What if we did something special this afternoon - just the three of us?  Would you like to go to the park for a picnic?  We have a babysitter for Sam."

Alexander couldn't believe his ears.  He smiled.  He loved the park.  And he wasn't in trouble!

His mom told him to put his shoes on while she changed to some clothes for the park.  When she came out to help him into his car seat, she had on a bright red shirt.  Red was Alexander's favorite color!  He remembered Yucky's advice, and he said,

"I like your shirt mommy.  It's very pretty."

Alexander's mom smiled and kissed Alexander's head as she buckled him in.  "Oh Alexander, I love you too. Thank you for the nice compliment!"

When they got the park, Alexander played on the slide with his dad, rode on the carousel with his mom, and raced across the bridge six times.  When he was done, he was tired and out of breath.

Check out this tough disciplinarian. :)

"Would you like a treat, Alexander?" his dad asked.

"Yes, please!" said Alexander.

His dad walked up to the concession stand and came back with lemonade and strawberries for everyone. They sat at a picnic table to share.  Alexander bit into a juicy strawberry.  The sweet juice ran down his chin.

Just then he saw a lizard scamper across the table.  He thought about Yucky and Dragon Rule Number 933.

"Thank you for the strawberries, daddy.  They are delicious!"

Daddy smiled.  "You're welcome, Alexander!  That was a very nice thing to say."  Daddy looked across at Mommy and she nodded, like they had discussed something earlier.

"How would you like to pick out a special surprise before we go home?" Daddy asked.

Alexander jumped up and down.  He loved special surprises!

The family finished their snacks and then headed to the gift store on the edge of the park.  The first thing Alexander spied was a pirate ship.  It looked like a real ship, and it came with tiny toy pirates.

He really does love pirates . . .

Alexander's mom and dad followed his gaze to the ship.

"Alexander, would you like the ship?" his mom asked.

Alexander really wanted the ship, and he almost said yes --- but then he remembered Sam eating his sword. If he got the ship, he couldn't share with his brother.  Sam would put the pirates in his mouth too.

"No . . . " he said slowly.  Then he turned, picked out a bright red ball, and handed it to his dad.  "I want this one!"

Alexander's mom and dad looked at each other across the aisle, shrugged, and Alexander's dad took the ball to the cash register.

All the way home, Alexander held the ball carefully in his lap.  When his dad unbuckled his car seat at the house, he raced to the door.  Inside, Sam was playing on the floor with the babysitter.

"Sam!"  Alexander cried.  "Look what we got!"  He gently rolled the ball to Sam.  Sam cooed and kissed the ball.  Alexander's mom and dad smiled.

Sometimes they really are this sweet!

That night, Mommy and Daddy both read Alexander stories, played a game with him, and snuggled with him in bed.  When it was time for lights out, Mommy kissed him on the forehead.

"You are a sweet boy, Alexander,"  she said, "And I love you very . . . "

All of a sudden, Mommy stopped talking, got a funny look on her face, and let out the biggest, loudest burp Alexander had ever heard.

Alexander and Daddy started laughing.  They laughed so hard they cried.  And then Mommy started to laugh too.

"Excuse me," she said, when she finally quit laughing.

"It's OK, Mommy," said Alexander.  "I love you, too."

Bedtime really is a sweet, sweet time.  It can also last for 45 minutes.

Mommy and Daddy shut the door and headed downstairs.  Daddy left to take the dog on a walk, while Mommy started to clean the kitchen.

She was just clearing the table, when she heard three very distinct knocks on the door.  Wiping her hands on a dishcloth, she looked through the the keyhole but didn't see anyone.  Very slowly, she opened the door.

In strode a little red dragon with the most peculiar purple polka-dots.  He was wearing a black tuxedo and had three wisps of hair combed very carefully across his head.  He was carrying a great big book.

"Are you a . . a . .?" Mommy started to ask, but Yucky cut her off.

"Yes, I am indeed a  DRAGON," he stated proudly. "In a very expensive TUXEDO, I might say," he added.

Mommy rubbed her eyes once, twice, three times, and then she remembered herself.  "Well nice to meet you, er, ah . . . "

"Sir Yuckivester Angelos Andreas the Third, at your service," he filled in.  "But my friends call me . . .Yucky."

"Well come on in, Yucky," Mommy smiled.  "Please, have a seat."

Yucky strode into the kitchen and smiled at Alexander's mother.  She eyed his book and asked, "Did you come to read me a story?"

Yucky sighed and shook his head.  Then he took a seat, flipped through his book, and read, "Dragon Rule Number 522: 'It is never polite to burp in the company of others, but when one does, one should always say 'Excuse Me.'"

"And laugh," Mommy added.  "Laughing makes everything better."

Then she smiled, chuckled to herself, poured Yucky some tea, and said "Yucky, you need to meet my son Alexander . . . "

Would this mom need Yucky?  Yep.  Absolutely.  Especially after these boys!

THE END

Boogie Bear

A story for all the little Boogie Bears out there.  Especially mine. :) 

Once upon a time there lived a little bear named Boogie.  Boogie wasn't his real name, of course, but all of his friends called him that because he LOVED to pick his nose.

At night when Boogie was at home, his mama would say, "Eugene, get your paw out of your nose.  If you don't watch out, it will get stuck there.  Then you will be in a fine fix."

Boogie just laughed and laughed, but his dad said sternly, "Eugene, you better listen to your mother.  She is always right."

Boogie would race around the room, hide behind a chair, and stick his paw into his nose --- just to make sure he could get it out again.  Easey-peasy . . . his little paw always slid right out.

One day, Boogie Bear was playing in the woods by himself.  All of a sudden, he smelled the most wonderful smell.  It was coming from up in a tree.  Boogie climbed up, and what did he find?  A tree full of the most beautiful golden honey.

Well, the one thing Boogie liked more than picking his nose was honey. Boogie just loved honey.  He quickly stuck his paw into the tree and began to shovel the ooey gooey yummy ummy honey into his mouth.

Boogie ate and he ate and he ate some more.  He ate until all the honey was gone, and then he climbed back down the tree, sat at the bottom, and patted his great, big, full, happy belly.

Just then, he noticed that his nose began to itch.  Without thinking twice, he slid his little paw up to scratch. But when he tried to pull it back out again, it was stuck!  All that ooey gooey yummy ummy honey was all over his sticky paws, and - try as he might - he could not get his claw out of his nose.

Poor Boogie!  He had to walk all the way back through the forest with his finger stuck in his nose . . . past all the bunnies and the deer, the birds and the other little bears.  Everyone laughed and laughed at Boogie Bear limping along with his paw in his nose.

When he got home, his mother took one look at him and shook her head.  Without saying a word, she helped him take a bath and pry his claw out of his nose.  That night, she put a box of tissue next to his bed when she kissed him good night.  

"I love you, Eugene," she whispered.

"Love you too, mommy," he mumbled back.

And do you know what happened?  Well, I'll let you guess . . . but before long everyone was back to calling Boogie "Eugene," and he never got his paw stuck in his nose again.

THE END