My toddler is a bright little boy.
I know this because people tell me it all the time. I also know this because he challenges me. He already argues with me, corrects me on my Spanish pronunciation, and informs me when I have incorrectly read a story that he has heard before. He loves to count and read and learn new words and understand how things work.
Yesterday, when I picked him up from daycare, he was building a train track out of blocks. He wanted to count the blocks with me. There were more than thirty, and ---though he got tripped up on 15 and 19 --- he easily spouted out the numbers.
Another mom was picking up her child, and she asked, "Do you work with him? I can't believe he can do that."
I was a little embarrassed because I felt like I had been caught "showing off." I wasn't, of course. In fact, I hadn't even noticed her paying attention to us. I was just trying to relate to my child after a long nine hours apart. Still, to deflect attention, I almost said something along the lines of: "Oh - he struggles with the numbers sometimes . . .".
But I caught myself. My two year old is old enough to listen to me. He hears what I am saying. Even scarier, he understands a lot of it. So - while downplaying his strengths may meet my need of demonstrating humility - what will he take from my comments? How will they make him feel?
So, instead, I took a deep breath, turned the attention away from myself, and said, "He just really likes to count. He's a smart little boy and a good learner."
It felt like vanity to say that --- like I was bragging on myself. But I wasn't bragging about me. I was recognizing one of the gifts God has given our son. I was letting him hear me acknowledge his strengths and positive qualities.
I think that it is important for children to hear their parents speak proudly of them. Too often when speaking in public, I make comments about my children as if they are simply extensions of me. But they aren't just an extension of me! Instead, they are wonderful, unique little people made in the image of God! When the situation calls for it, I believe I should praise them as such, not downplay their accomplishments as if someone had praised me. I know it is important to teach my children humility, but it is also important to teach them that they are good and equipped with special gifts from their Maker. How will they ever learn to share their gifts if they don't recognize that they have them in the first place?
There are so many voices in the world that will seek to convince my children that they are less than adequate; I believe it is my job to teach them that they are a treasure, sought after in love and won at great price.
9/26/13
9/18/13
Decision
In law school, success in most classes is determined by one grade: the final exam. It is generally the only test given in a semester, and it is the sole determinant of your fate in that class. Suffice to say that final exam time is stressful.
On the night before one of my exams, I was cramming in the library. This wasn't over-kill cramming. I really needed to study. I wasn't ready.
One of my friends stopped by. She was dating someone who was not a good boyfriend. Unfortunately, she had just discovered exactly how bad of a boyfriend he was.
I had a dilemma: should I keep studying, or should I take time to be with her?
I am not proud to say that this wasn't an easy question for me, but I did do the right thing. I closed my computer, stood up, and said "Let's go for a drive."
I am absolutely sure that I did not help her at all. There was nothing I could say that made it any better. I probably did say things that made it worse. I'm not really good at things like that.
On the flip side, she helped me tremendously be allowing me to be there with her in that moment. She let me make a choice to prioritize people over personal gain in a fairly low stakes environment.
That night was more important to my education than almost any other.
On the night before one of my exams, I was cramming in the library. This wasn't over-kill cramming. I really needed to study. I wasn't ready.
One of my friends stopped by. She was dating someone who was not a good boyfriend. Unfortunately, she had just discovered exactly how bad of a boyfriend he was.
I had a dilemma: should I keep studying, or should I take time to be with her?
I am not proud to say that this wasn't an easy question for me, but I did do the right thing. I closed my computer, stood up, and said "Let's go for a drive."
I am absolutely sure that I did not help her at all. There was nothing I could say that made it any better. I probably did say things that made it worse. I'm not really good at things like that.
On the flip side, she helped me tremendously be allowing me to be there with her in that moment. She let me make a choice to prioritize people over personal gain in a fairly low stakes environment.
That night was more important to my education than almost any other.
Cheater, Cheater
My senior year of high school, my teacher gave us a dream assignment: write a fable.
At the time, I wrote fables for fun. I woke up thinking about them and went to sleep thinking about them.
Unfortunately, the assignment came at a busy time . . . so rather than writing something new, I just pulled something out of the drawer that I had previously written. It would suffice.
The day before the assignment was due coincided with the last night of the regional fair. I LOVED the fair. I really wanted to go. I called a friend to convince her to go with me.
"I can't," she said. "I haven't written my story yet."
"That's easy!" I told her. "I'll help you!" I then proceeded to spout out one of the stories I had been thinking about for a few weeks.
We went to the fair. I think we had fun, but - to be honest - I don't really remember.
What I do remember is what happened a few weeks later. My teacher had finished grading the fables. She said there were two that really stood out.
She read my fable to the class first. It was okay, but it wasn't really great.
She then proceeded to read the second fable, the one I had given away, noting that it was "her favorite."
My friend beamed. She should have. She did a great job of writing the idea that I had developed.
I felt like I had given away my first child.
It was the best lesson on cheating that I could have received.
At the time, I wrote fables for fun. I woke up thinking about them and went to sleep thinking about them.
Unfortunately, the assignment came at a busy time . . . so rather than writing something new, I just pulled something out of the drawer that I had previously written. It would suffice.
The day before the assignment was due coincided with the last night of the regional fair. I LOVED the fair. I really wanted to go. I called a friend to convince her to go with me.
"I can't," she said. "I haven't written my story yet."
"That's easy!" I told her. "I'll help you!" I then proceeded to spout out one of the stories I had been thinking about for a few weeks.
We went to the fair. I think we had fun, but - to be honest - I don't really remember.
What I do remember is what happened a few weeks later. My teacher had finished grading the fables. She said there were two that really stood out.
She read my fable to the class first. It was okay, but it wasn't really great.
She then proceeded to read the second fable, the one I had given away, noting that it was "her favorite."
My friend beamed. She should have. She did a great job of writing the idea that I had developed.
I felt like I had given away my first child.
It was the best lesson on cheating that I could have received.
9/17/13
The Eleventh Commandment
In every family, there seems to be one person that receives notice of the Eleventh Commandment:
Thou shalt not be late to church.
Unfortunately for the recipient, there is usually only one person who is aware of this commandment in each family --- making him or her a fiery ball of nerves on Sunday morning. You can usually spot this person by The Vein that is pulsing from the forehead or neck. Other tell-tale signs include The Scowl, The Clenched Jaw, The Glare, The Balled Fist, and The Snorting Nostril.
In my family, this person is me.
My anxiety starts as soon as I wake up on Sunday. I start plotting about how we can all get out the door on time. To get a husband, a two year old, and an infant ready and keep them that way at the same time requires some strategy. A strategy I have not mastered. We've tried 9:30, 10:00, 11:00, and 11:15 am services. We've tried dressy church and blue jean church. No matter which one we choose, we are late. Half the time, we are unshowered. We always miss the music, and sometimes we miss half the sermon too.
I will admit that I am part of the problem. And that only makes me angrier.
I've tried to pretend to be laid back about it, but that's just not me. It comes off a bit like using surfer slang in a business suit. I'm not fooling anyone.
This is a problem that requires some serious therapy.
And so, I reread the 10 commandments, and remind myself that there are, in fact, only 10. These 10 include the following:
* You shall have no other gods before me.
* You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
* You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
* Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.
I want to rationalize that the Eleventh Commandment is consistent with these, but I don't think that is true. It would be one thing if I were truly pursuing God's honor by getting to church on time. But, really, I'm not. I'm actually more interested in my honor. It's EMBARRASSING to be the last family at church.
Gulp.
So, my children who are watching me (and who are likely victimized by my Sunday antics), aren't really learning anything about God's will. What they are really learning is that mom deifies her image over all, that she invokes the Bible to justify her need to be on time to church, and that she defiles the holiness and peace of the Sabbath to follow societal customs.
It sounds like I'm being harsh on myself, but I'm really not. It's no picnic to get ready for church while harassed by an 11th Commandment follower. It's certainly no way to prepare the heart for worship.
This, of course, brings me back to where I began: The Eleventh Commandment.
If you happen to adhere to it, I have a newsflash for you: It's a fiction. It's a distractor. And it's likely to make you violate the first ten.
Keep going to church and aiming to be on time, but remember: the heart of the matter is always the heart. And a pure, patient, God-seeking heart will teach your children more than announcement sessions and opening songs at church ever will.
Thou shalt not be late to church.
Unfortunately for the recipient, there is usually only one person who is aware of this commandment in each family --- making him or her a fiery ball of nerves on Sunday morning. You can usually spot this person by The Vein that is pulsing from the forehead or neck. Other tell-tale signs include The Scowl, The Clenched Jaw, The Glare, The Balled Fist, and The Snorting Nostril.
In my family, this person is me.
My anxiety starts as soon as I wake up on Sunday. I start plotting about how we can all get out the door on time. To get a husband, a two year old, and an infant ready and keep them that way at the same time requires some strategy. A strategy I have not mastered. We've tried 9:30, 10:00, 11:00, and 11:15 am services. We've tried dressy church and blue jean church. No matter which one we choose, we are late. Half the time, we are unshowered. We always miss the music, and sometimes we miss half the sermon too.
I will admit that I am part of the problem. And that only makes me angrier.
I've tried to pretend to be laid back about it, but that's just not me. It comes off a bit like using surfer slang in a business suit. I'm not fooling anyone.
This is a problem that requires some serious therapy.
And so, I reread the 10 commandments, and remind myself that there are, in fact, only 10. These 10 include the following:
* You shall have no other gods before me.
* You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
* You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
* Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.
I want to rationalize that the Eleventh Commandment is consistent with these, but I don't think that is true. It would be one thing if I were truly pursuing God's honor by getting to church on time. But, really, I'm not. I'm actually more interested in my honor. It's EMBARRASSING to be the last family at church.
Gulp.
So, my children who are watching me (and who are likely victimized by my Sunday antics), aren't really learning anything about God's will. What they are really learning is that mom deifies her image over all, that she invokes the Bible to justify her need to be on time to church, and that she defiles the holiness and peace of the Sabbath to follow societal customs.
It sounds like I'm being harsh on myself, but I'm really not. It's no picnic to get ready for church while harassed by an 11th Commandment follower. It's certainly no way to prepare the heart for worship.
This, of course, brings me back to where I began: The Eleventh Commandment.
If you happen to adhere to it, I have a newsflash for you: It's a fiction. It's a distractor. And it's likely to make you violate the first ten.
Keep going to church and aiming to be on time, but remember: the heart of the matter is always the heart. And a pure, patient, God-seeking heart will teach your children more than announcement sessions and opening songs at church ever will.
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