Snooze button +
Grumpy baby +
Burnt coffee +
Angry Me
Equals
A Chihuahua Tail
Wagging
A Saint Bernard
3/28/12
3/27/12
To My Baby - On Your First Birthday
Dearest Baby of Mine:
What a joy it has been to get to know you, little one, over the past year and nine months! From those first spazzy kicks in my belly to your excited and adorable way of bouncing up and down (while always yelling and sometimes peeing) in the bathtub, you have delivered so much energy and pizazz to this world! It was a quiet and boring place before you arrived!
I know I should be writing about you, as this is YOUR birthday, but I can't help but reflect on how much you have changed me. First of all - you made me a mother! I was so afraid of this responsibility for so long, but I can barely remember being anything but a mother now. I feel like I was born to be a mother! And I love being your mom so much! Thank you for this privilege. When you hit a time in life (and you will - probably during puberty, when some girl breaks your heart, during your freshman year in college, and after a hard day's work at your first job) and you feel like you are no good and that the world would be better off without you, stop and call me! From your first moment of being, you have been a blessing. You have helped me fulfill my calling --- a calling I didn't even really know I had. Thank you, sweet son!
Second, you remind me - day in and day out - that I am not in control of you or really anything else. You were one heavy baby, and I was very excited to get you out of my tummy and into the world. To my surprise, I had tremendous separation anxiety after you were on the outside. Everywhere I looked, I saw things that could hurt you: dirty hands, the sides of your bassinet, your dad traipsing too quickly down the stairs, your own brain (what if you forgot to breathe?!), gravity . . . the list went on and on. I barely slept for the first three months of your life, afraid that something was going to take you away from me. And then - something did take you away from me: Work! Sending you to daycare was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I literally sobbed the first time I visited your classroom. Your teachers-to-be had to give me hugs! I made Daddy take you to daycare for the first six months because I could not bear to leave you (I still sometimes tear up when I leave --- how I long to spend your days with you!). I prayed and prayed and still pray for peace about leaving you. During one of my prayers, I understood God to say "Don't worry . . . I love your baby and will provide for him exactly what he needs." I wanted to trust God --- but not completely. Truthfully, part of me wanted to feel guilty about leaving you during the day because it meant that maybe - just maybe - I was in control of you. I think I wanted to believe that my choices could protect you from all evil and harm; that by holding you more I could somehow transmit my 30-years-worth of experiences into your little being so that you don't have to make my mistakes or struggle with any demons that I might inadvertently pass on to you. But sweet son - I am beginning to learn a lesson that I will struggle with for the rest of my life: I am not in control. I can chose what I feed you and expose you to, and I will try to make the very best decisions that I can. But the real stuff - the important things - are out of my hands. That is hard for a mama to swallow! But - in the meantime - the understanding that I can't make the real decisions has turned me to the One who can. Thank you for deepening my faith and relationship with our Heavenly Father. As you get older, I hope your Daddy and I can introduce you to Him in a way that is worthy, and I pray that He will mitigate our failings and inadequacies with a lifetime of mercies and blessings just for you.
Finally, you have taught me to love deeper than I understood deep to be. You are so incredibly precious to me. I cannot explain this in detail because there are no words to describe how much I love you. I pray that one day you will know this kind of love too.
I cannot wait to see your life unfold. I am anxious to know all of the details: who will your friends be? what will capture your imagination? what will you choose as a career? who will you marry? where will life take you? I am anxious to know your story, but I'm not in a hurry. In the meantime, I will delight in watching each day of your life unfold and will relish the joy of witnessing you grow into my little man.
Happy First Birthday, Baby Boy!
Love, Mama
What a joy it has been to get to know you, little one, over the past year and nine months! From those first spazzy kicks in my belly to your excited and adorable way of bouncing up and down (while always yelling and sometimes peeing) in the bathtub, you have delivered so much energy and pizazz to this world! It was a quiet and boring place before you arrived!
I know I should be writing about you, as this is YOUR birthday, but I can't help but reflect on how much you have changed me. First of all - you made me a mother! I was so afraid of this responsibility for so long, but I can barely remember being anything but a mother now. I feel like I was born to be a mother! And I love being your mom so much! Thank you for this privilege. When you hit a time in life (and you will - probably during puberty, when some girl breaks your heart, during your freshman year in college, and after a hard day's work at your first job) and you feel like you are no good and that the world would be better off without you, stop and call me! From your first moment of being, you have been a blessing. You have helped me fulfill my calling --- a calling I didn't even really know I had. Thank you, sweet son!
Second, you remind me - day in and day out - that I am not in control of you or really anything else. You were one heavy baby, and I was very excited to get you out of my tummy and into the world. To my surprise, I had tremendous separation anxiety after you were on the outside. Everywhere I looked, I saw things that could hurt you: dirty hands, the sides of your bassinet, your dad traipsing too quickly down the stairs, your own brain (what if you forgot to breathe?!), gravity . . . the list went on and on. I barely slept for the first three months of your life, afraid that something was going to take you away from me. And then - something did take you away from me: Work! Sending you to daycare was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I literally sobbed the first time I visited your classroom. Your teachers-to-be had to give me hugs! I made Daddy take you to daycare for the first six months because I could not bear to leave you (I still sometimes tear up when I leave --- how I long to spend your days with you!). I prayed and prayed and still pray for peace about leaving you. During one of my prayers, I understood God to say "Don't worry . . . I love your baby and will provide for him exactly what he needs." I wanted to trust God --- but not completely. Truthfully, part of me wanted to feel guilty about leaving you during the day because it meant that maybe - just maybe - I was in control of you. I think I wanted to believe that my choices could protect you from all evil and harm; that by holding you more I could somehow transmit my 30-years-worth of experiences into your little being so that you don't have to make my mistakes or struggle with any demons that I might inadvertently pass on to you. But sweet son - I am beginning to learn a lesson that I will struggle with for the rest of my life: I am not in control. I can chose what I feed you and expose you to, and I will try to make the very best decisions that I can. But the real stuff - the important things - are out of my hands. That is hard for a mama to swallow! But - in the meantime - the understanding that I can't make the real decisions has turned me to the One who can. Thank you for deepening my faith and relationship with our Heavenly Father. As you get older, I hope your Daddy and I can introduce you to Him in a way that is worthy, and I pray that He will mitigate our failings and inadequacies with a lifetime of mercies and blessings just for you.
Finally, you have taught me to love deeper than I understood deep to be. You are so incredibly precious to me. I cannot explain this in detail because there are no words to describe how much I love you. I pray that one day you will know this kind of love too.
I cannot wait to see your life unfold. I am anxious to know all of the details: who will your friends be? what will capture your imagination? what will you choose as a career? who will you marry? where will life take you? I am anxious to know your story, but I'm not in a hurry. In the meantime, I will delight in watching each day of your life unfold and will relish the joy of witnessing you grow into my little man.
Happy First Birthday, Baby Boy!
Love, Mama
3/22/12
Pepper's Dayo
A recent work of art by my goofy dad:
Bravo
Arrivo
Bookmarko
Cheerio
Collino
Collino
Way-to-go
Girlo!
3/21/12
A Mom's Perogative
One day a girl will ask me:
'Please tell me what he was like!
I love him so much and
and I want to know:
what was my Collin like as a tike?"
I'll smile at
This sweet little princess
And I'll tell her a thing or two
But my Collin, some things I'll keep secret
Things just between me and you.
'Please tell me what he was like!
I love him so much and
and I want to know:
what was my Collin like as a tike?"
I'll smile at
This sweet little princess
And I'll tell her a thing or two
But my Collin, some things I'll keep secret
Things just between me and you.
Itsy Bitsy
Do I have faith?
Oh yes! My friend,
In things that I can see.
But when it comes to
Everything else
It's as small
As a mustard seed.
Oh yes! My friend,
In things that I can see.
But when it comes to
Everything else
It's as small
As a mustard seed.
Sophisticated
Somehow, somewhere
Along my way
I got so
Sophisticated
I read the news
And dressed in hues
That were classically
Understated.
I learned how to talk
And walk the walk
Blending in
Was a given
I mastered the art
Of the expedited start
Oh my! I was
So driven.
But I soon found
that I was bored
My image was
Overrated
I dropped the act
And made a pact
To recover all that
I'd traded.
I was given an out
A road with less clout
And I took it - hooray for me!
It's not always comfy
But I'll tell you something
It beats tedious
Conformity.
Along my way
I got so
Sophisticated
I read the news
And dressed in hues
That were classically
Understated.
I learned how to talk
And walk the walk
Blending in
Was a given
I mastered the art
Of the expedited start
Oh my! I was
So driven.
But I soon found
that I was bored
My image was
Overrated
I dropped the act
And made a pact
To recover all that
I'd traded.
I was given an out
A road with less clout
And I took it - hooray for me!
It's not always comfy
But I'll tell you something
It beats tedious
Conformity.
3/20/12
Pets
My monsters
They come out at night
Usually around 2 a.m.
They growl and scowl
And bite for spite
And threaten to do me in.
So what do I do
To these little critters
That nightly disrupt my sleep?
I pet them and feed them
And otherwise appease them
In the hopes that my secrets
They'll keep.
They come out at night
Usually around 2 a.m.
They growl and scowl
And bite for spite
And threaten to do me in.
So what do I do
To these little critters
That nightly disrupt my sleep?
I pet them and feed them
And otherwise appease them
In the hopes that my secrets
They'll keep.
Bad News
I do not enjoy
Hearing bad news
Unless it pertains to others
I'm ashamed to say
My neighbor's bad day
Sometimes makes me
Feel so much better.
Hearing bad news
Unless it pertains to others
I'm ashamed to say
My neighbor's bad day
Sometimes makes me
Feel so much better.
3/16/12
Love Story
There is a time
In baby's life
That may not be meant
For baby at all
He won't remember
Our sleepless nights
The endless rocks
Our frustrated tears
He won't know
That he was hard to feed
Prone to spit up
Difficult to burp
These early days
He won't remember
Any single moment
Any hard-won joy
Instead, it seems
This time is just for us
Me and baby's dad
As we learn to love
For the sake of love
And not for ourselves.
Thank you, sweet baby
For your unintended gift
Thanks to you
We will never be the same.
Could there be a more perfect love
Than one so pure
That we do not care
If it is remembered at all?
3/4/12
Ode to Blue Jeans
Oh 30-S
Boy Style
Relaxed Fit
Denim
Let's go out for a walk
It's been awhile
And You and I
My friend
Are overdue
For a talk
We met
In the GAP
4 years back.
We insulted each other
From the start.
"You're fat,"
You derided
And silently chided
With a nod to the
Skinny girl's cart
"You're on sale,"
I sneered,
"And a little too blue.
You're lucky
I tried you at all."
And so it began
My friend and
My fiend
My go-to
For winter and Fall.
For years we
bonded
Over T-shirts and
Sweaters
Like 7th grade girls
At the dance
We swapped secrets
And letters
And I'll love you forevers
And our image
We mutually
Enhanced.
Until . . .
The day
arrived
I was with CHILD!
You'd think
You'd be
ecstatic.
But instead
All I heard
was a gasp and a moan
And a button
That made your feelings
Emphatic.
So I hid you
In the back
With the dorky
Khaki slacks
And tried to ignore
Your gloating:
"You'll never wear me again,
I always knew I'd win!"
You said to my .
Waist -
Ever-bloating.
Well,
I've got news for you,
My 30-S Blues:
Turns out that
You were wrong.
'Cause that's my
Hiney you're wearing
Oh - don't you go swearing
Or hiding
Against
My thong.
I'm well within
My rights
To reject you
For spite.
It's me that's the miracle maker
I housed a new being
So it's you
I'll be seeing
Off to the next
Thrift store taker.
Boy Style
Relaxed Fit
Denim
Let's go out for a walk
It's been awhile
And You and I
My friend
Are overdue
For a talk
We met
In the GAP
4 years back.
We insulted each other
From the start.
"You're fat,"
You derided
And silently chided
With a nod to the
Skinny girl's cart
"You're on sale,"
I sneered,
"And a little too blue.
You're lucky
I tried you at all."
And so it began
My friend and
My fiend
My go-to
For winter and Fall.
For years we
bonded
Over T-shirts and
Sweaters
Like 7th grade girls
At the dance
We swapped secrets
And letters
And I'll love you forevers
And our image
We mutually
Enhanced.
Until . . .
The day
arrived
I was with CHILD!
You'd think
You'd be
ecstatic.
But instead
All I heard
was a gasp and a moan
And a button
That made your feelings
Emphatic.
So I hid you
In the back
With the dorky
Khaki slacks
And tried to ignore
Your gloating:
"You'll never wear me again,
I always knew I'd win!"
You said to my .
Waist -
Ever-bloating.
Well,
I've got news for you,
My 30-S Blues:
Turns out that
You were wrong.
'Cause that's my
Hiney you're wearing
Oh - don't you go swearing
Or hiding
Against
My thong.
I'm well within
My rights
To reject you
For spite.
It's me that's the miracle maker
I housed a new being
So it's you
I'll be seeing
Off to the next
Thrift store taker.
3/1/12
Southern Hospitality
Scrub, scrub
Clean, clean
It's time to make
Our baseboards gleam!
Our special guests
Are on their way
Wouldn't want them
To have occassion to say:
"Melissa's house is just like mine
Full of pet fur and laundry and grime!"
Oh no! Heavens no!
That just won't do
We can't have them knowing
the real me and you!
Get to work!
Roll those sleeves up!
Don't turn on tv!
Haven't you heard of hospitality?
Oh no! Oh goodness!
They're almost here!
Slap on some lipstick
Hide the cheap beer
Open the door
Fling out our arms
Make small talk and banter
That oozes with charm
Scowl; fret at each fuzz ball
That litters the floor
Keep track of their flaws
Be sure to keep score
Suffer through dinner
Your back ramrod straight
Make sure that you offer
Tea, coffee and cake
Pray that they leave
Why are you so tired?
The conversation is lovely
But you're just not inspired
Finally they go
Off into the night
You've never been so happy
To see the glow of tail lights
Grab that cheap beer
Let your tummy hang out
Eat the leftover cake
Let your sheddy dog out.
Clean, clean
It's time to make
Our baseboards gleam!
Our special guests
Are on their way
Wouldn't want them
To have occassion to say:
"Melissa's house is just like mine
Full of pet fur and laundry and grime!"
Oh no! Heavens no!
That just won't do
We can't have them knowing
the real me and you!
Get to work!
Roll those sleeves up!
Don't turn on tv!
Haven't you heard of hospitality?
Oh no! Oh goodness!
They're almost here!
Slap on some lipstick
Hide the cheap beer
Open the door
Fling out our arms
Make small talk and banter
That oozes with charm
Scowl; fret at each fuzz ball
That litters the floor
Keep track of their flaws
Be sure to keep score
Suffer through dinner
Your back ramrod straight
Make sure that you offer
Tea, coffee and cake
Pray that they leave
Why are you so tired?
The conversation is lovely
But you're just not inspired
Finally they go
Off into the night
You've never been so happy
To see the glow of tail lights
Grab that cheap beer
Let your tummy hang out
Eat the leftover cake
Let your sheddy dog out.
Worry Wart
The night has come
It's time for bed
And yet I sit
Awake instead
My head - it throbs
My neck is stiff
My mind is racing
Full of "What Ifs"
I want to go
I want to sleep
I want to trust
My worries will keep
And yet I sit
And yet I type
Waiting, it seems
For all to be right
Don't I know
It's not up to me?
I think I know
And yet - instinctively
I sit and fret
I sit and type
And wait, and wait, and wait
For light.
It's time for bed
And yet I sit
Awake instead
My head - it throbs
My neck is stiff
My mind is racing
Full of "What Ifs"
I want to go
I want to sleep
I want to trust
My worries will keep
And yet I sit
And yet I type
Waiting, it seems
For all to be right
Don't I know
It's not up to me?
I think I know
And yet - instinctively
I sit and fret
I sit and type
And wait, and wait, and wait
For light.
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