3/17/14

A Cow Named Hope

Dedicated to the wonderful and brave John Oliver ("Ollie") Tetloff, and of course his mother, Meredith.  (ollieupdates.org) 

Once upon a time there was a cow named Hope.



Hope lived in a great big pasture on Bay Branch Farm with her mama and daddy and lots of cousins and sisters.  The cows on Bay Branch Farm were very happy.  Every day, they woke up, ate grass, drank water, swatted flies with their tails, and mooed: "It's gooooood to be a cow." 




Life was good on Bay Branch Farm, but Hope wasn't happy.  Even though she liked eating grass, drinking water, and swatting flies with her tail, she had this nagging feeling that she was made for something more. 

She went to her mama and shared her problem:  "Mama," she asked tentatively, "Have you ever wanted to do more than eat grass, drink water, and swat flies with your tail?"



Mama looked at Hope, took a big bite of grass, chewed it around for a few minutes, and then chided:  "Hope, it's goooood to be a cow.  Don't be ungrateful.  Now run along and play with your sisters."



Hope bowed her head and walked away, ashamed.  For the next few days she tried to concentrate on living happily on the farm, but - try as she might - she continued to feel like she was missing out on something.

The next day, Farmer Hub noticed that Hope was moping by the water trough.  Farmer Hub loved his cows and always knew when something was the matter.  He walked up to Hope, patted her head, and said, "What's wrong, little cow?"



Hope mooed the longest and saddest mooooooooo Farmer Hub had ever heard.  Because Farmer Hub had been farming for a long time and knew everything there was to know about cows, he understood immediately what the problem was.

"Well Hope," he said.  "I have an idea.  I have a special friend named Ollie. Right now, Ollie is sick and is not feeling his best.  He loves cows but he can't come to visit right now because he is busy getting well.  Would you like to cheer Ollie up?"
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Hope turned in a circle three times and kicked her feet up in the air with excitement.  Of course she would like to help!

The next day, the farmer brought a funny looking bag.  He opened it up and took out a camera. 

"Can I take your picture, Hope?"  the Farmer asked.  "For Ollie?"

Hope was a little afraid, but she held very still.  She knew she had to be very good so she could help Farmer Hub's friend, Ollie.


"Click, click,"  whirred the camera. 

"Moo, Moo," said Hope.

The other cows watched warily, chewing their grass, swatting their tails.  What, they wondered, was Hope doing?



A few days later, Farmer Hub came back to the cow pasture.  Hope trotted up, happy to see her friend. 

"Hope," said Farmer Hub.  "Ollie really liked the pictures of you, but he would like to see more cows.  Do you think you could talk to your friends to see if they would like to have their pictures taken?"

Hope moooed a worried moo.  She knew that the cows were happy eating their grass, drinking their water, and swatting their tails.  But - she could tell that Farmer Hub and Ollie really needed her help, so she approached her cousin Thatcher. 


Thatcher looked up at Hope with a mouth full of grass.  His big brown eyes seemed to say, "I'm happy just doing this.  Please let me be."  Hope didn't want to bother Thatcher and almost walked away, but then she remembered Farmer Hub's friend Ollie.  Courageously, she asked:

"Thatcher, will you help me help Farmer Hub and his friend Ollie?"  Thatcher blinked once, then he blinked twice.  Hope was sure he was going to say no and she almost walked away when she heard him say,

"O.K. Hope, I will help you help Farmer Hub." 

"Hooray!"  Hope kicked up her heels and nuzzled Thatcher's neck joyously.  "Follow me!"

Slowly Thatcher followed Hope over to Farmer Hub.

"Click, click," went the camera.

"Mooooooo," said Hope and Thatcher together.



The other cows watched from the corner, eating their grass, swishing their tails.  But this time, a few of the little calves ventured closer.  What was that funny noise?  And why did Hope and Thatcher look so excited?


Over the next few days and months, Farmer Hub came back with the camera.  And every time he came, Hope recruited a few more cows.  Before long, every cow in the herd had had their picture taken . . . every cow, except Hope's mama.  Now when Farmer Hub came with the camera, Hope's mama stood by herself while all the other cows posed for pictures.


One day, Farmer Hub came to the cow pasture looking very sad indeed.  He did not have his camera with him.  Hope wanted to know what was the matter.  She nudged Farmer Hub's shoulder and mooed.

Farmer Hub sighed a heavy sigh, took his broad-brimmed hat and turned it around in his hands, and said,

"Our friend Ollie is very sick, Hope.  He is very brave and very strong, but he hurts a lot and is very tired. I wish there was something else we could do to help him."

Hope thought.  She thought and she thought and she thought.  She thought about all the things that made her feel better:  green grass, summer sunshine, fluffy clouds, playing with her sisters and brothers.  But Hope could not send those things to Ollie.


Photo by Alex Palmour

Just as she was about to hang her head in defeat, she had an idea!  Hope lifted her head up to Farmer Hub's ear and whispered as well as a cow can.  The farmer's face lit up and he began to smile.

"That's a great thought, Hope!"  he said.  "Let's do it!"

The next day, Farmer Hub came with a crew of farm hands and a great big truck.  Even though the other cows now liked having their picture taken, they were a little scared of the big truck.  They backed up to the fence in a tight circle.


Farmer Hub took his hat off again and ran his fingers through his hair.  What if the plan didn't work?  What if Hope was afraid?

Just then, Hope stepped out from the circle of cows.  She took a few steps toward Farmer Hub.  Farmer Hub put his hat back on, straightened his back, and smiled a great, big smile. 

"Okay, guys, let's load her up!" he shouted.

The truck backed up to the gate and someone swung the doors open.  For the first time, Hope paused.  She was a little afraid of that great big trailer with the loud door.

And then, from deep within the herd, Hope's mama walked forward.  She walked up to Hope and looked at her long and hard with her big, dark eyes.  She nuzzled Hope's neck for a moment, and then she nudged her forward with her nose towards the trailer.

Hope stepped on, and Farmer Hub swung the door closed.

The truck sputtered on and then rattled off down the winding dirt road.

Hope rode for what seemed like a very long time.  Finally, the truck clanked to a stop and began to back up. It made a funny beep, beep, beep noise and then jumped slightly as it turned off.

Hope began to shake a little, missing her friends and her farm very much.  Just as she was beginning to rethink this idea, Farmer Hub swung the doors wide open.  Hope stumbled out into the bright light, blinking after being in the dark trailer.

And then .  .  . she saw them.  Waiting for her just beyond the truck ramp was the most wonderful little boy she had ever seen.  He was wearing a Mincraft t-shirt, and he sat next to his mother.  She had beautiful auburn hair and the kind of way about her that made Hope feel better at once.

ollie mothers day

"Ollie," the boy's mother said, "I think you should go up and meet your new friend."

The boy walked up to Hope, and she stopped shaking.  He lifted out his hand and petted her, and she felt her trembling heart slow down.  She mooed.

Ollie laughed, and his mama laughed, and Hope nuzzled his cheek. She thought for a moment about all the things she had left:  the fluffy coulds in the summer sky, the warm sunshine, the green grass . . . and then Ollie smiled at her again.  His smile was like all of those good things mixed together, but better.  She felt the happiest she had ever felt.


"It's gooooood to be a cow!," she mooed.  Then she posed for a picture with her new best friend.



THE END







3/9/14

Connor's Song

It has been 365 days
 -  Plus a few -
Since you were unwrapped
From my tight, stretched tummy.

A gift -
Surprisingly fair and red and blond
So unlike your
Dark-skinned brother.

The Sandal's wedding song
played over the surgeon's
Pandora station
As you were plucked from inside me
And taken to be weighed and
baby-tortured in your first few
oxygen-breathing moments.

What went through my mind?
Thoughts of joy and exhaustion and
Tingly-pain,
Mingled with randomness:
That is a good song.
I'm glad he was born to that.

The next few days were full of
Morphine and marveling
My heart over-saturated
Tired
Processing
A veteran mother,
but a rookie again
to you and your cries,
wants, needs.

In the tradition of all new mothers,
the thought-question-challenge
slipped in and out, out and in
as I fingered your hands,
cradled your head,
traced your nose:
Am I up to this task?

365 days later
 - Plus a few -
The question still hangs
And, will, always, I think.
A good question:
One that reminds me of
My mission,
My limits,
My dependency on the divine.

I could write
For a year and some days
About this tension:
the impossible task
of raising a person
to be better than me -
isn't that every parent's dream?

But - just now
I hear you waking
Your tiny yawn,
Your sleepy stirring.

You jolt up - startled,
scared
But then you see me
Typing here on the floor.

Your face relaxes
As you settle back in
To dream a little more.
It's not that complicated,
You seem to say.

You are just glad
That the bed is soft,
Your belly is full,
And Mama is here.





















3/4/14

Beautiful Mommy

Yesterday, I needed to calm my two year old down before supper, so we went to his room and sat on his bed. 

"Tell me a story," I said.

"O.K.!" he agreed, and launched into a tale.  I only remember the first three sentences, which went as follows:

"Once upon a time there was a girl.  And the girl's name was . . . p- p- p- MOMMY.  And Mommy was a beautiful girl . . ."

Doesn't your heart just melt?  I know mine did.  I mean, in the 34 months that this kid has been alive, I have:
  • gone up and down 56 pounds - TWICE;
  • felt the need to create a 48 hour rule --- as in, it's been 48 hours, you must now take a shower;
  • have publicly "cracked a smile" multiple times because my ill fitting jeans can't stay up over my too tiny hiney and too big waist; and
  • have gone WEEKS without makeup.
This may be acceptable in other parts of the world, but I live in the South.  Down here, we equate beautiful with made up and put together.  Woe to the new mother who confronts this standard . . . or at least this new mother.  I'm a hopeless, lost cause.

So, imagine my surprise when my two year old, with no coaching, called me beautiful.  He may not know the meaning of the word yet, but I don't really care that he doesn't know.  If he thinks me beautiful, then I am.  After all, don't I think MY mommy is beautiful?  Really - I do.  And not just when she is fixed up and on display at church or (because this is the South) the grocery store . . . but when she is tired at night after helping me for three weeks with my new baby, or when she is sipping her Gatorade while she cooks dinner for our family, or when she is watching Entertainment Tonight for her latest celeb gossip.

Do you know what makes my mom beautiful?  The fact that she is always actively loving me, even when I don't know it, even when she can't say it.  I know this now in a way that I didn't know it before I had two children of my own.  As I make my own mistakes along the way, she becomes more beautiful because I see just how hard it can be, and just how tenacious she is to love me 33 years long --- more than she loves herself.

So mommy, this one is for you.  Because once upon a time, there was a girl.  And her name was mommy.  And Mommy was a beautiful girl.



I love you!