Calling All Would-Be Friends

Making friends as an adult has been tricky for me.  I’m not a planner.  I’m easily exhausted in social situations.  I work too much.  My house is too messy.  I need to spend one-on-one time with my kids.  I need to make quality time for my husband.  I need more sleep!  I’m not good at making finger foods.  I can’t multitask over children and conversation.  I don’t have anything to wear!

                Does your list look anything like this? Managing the logistics of friendships with the reality of daily life can be tricky.  (Really, who needs another thing to do?)  However, I’ve found that logistics aren’t the real obstacle to friendships in my life:  I am.

When you get right down to it, all of those insecurities disguised as logistics say the same thing:  I’ll be ready for friendship when _________________.  Or, stated differently, I’m not really ready for friendship right now.

                Does my last sentence make you as angry as it makes me feel to write it?  Of course I’m ready for friendship.  I’m desperate for friendship!  It’s just that . . .

Good friends plan fun parties and bring energy into the room.

Good friends are selfless stay at home moms who have somehow managed to prioritize their families and friends over jobs, finances, and ambition.

Good friends have clean houses, don’t rotate pajama pants as casual wear, and provide Pinterest worthy party foods for their guests.

And really, it’s just that . . .

If you put me under a microscope with all of my junk and my issues and my demands and my stuff, you’d see . . .

I’m not really worthy of friends right now. 

But I will be one day. 

When I finally quit my job. 

When my kids are older and my house is cleaner. 

When I’ve worked through my issues in therapy and have recovered from ___________ (you fill in the blank).

               If this is you (and trust me, it’s me) . . . call me!  I need to visit your messy house.  I need to know you cannot find a single. pair. of. jeans. that. fit.   I need to see you struggle to string together sentences over your three year old and to hear your frustration (and sometimes relief) over dropping said three year old off at daycare.  I need to know what it’s like for you if you stay at home with your kids and struggle with feelings of inadequacy (of course you do!) just like I do when I go to work. 

                Do you hear me?  I need you!

Why?  Because when you take the risk to expose yourself to me, you help me see myself through God’s eyes.  When you share your messy house, your burnt cookies, and your dirty bathroom with me, you remind me that we are all created perfectly imperfect.  When we connect over something, you are like a mirror to my soul, showing me that some part of me is lovable.  So very, very lovable.  Right where I am.  Just as I am. 

So, let’s make a pact.  You share your vulnerability and your humor and your stories and your tears with me, and I’ll let you visit my fraternity-esque bathroom, see my unwashed hair, and hold my child with spaghetti on his shirt.

Let’s trade mess for mess.  Something makes me believe we’ll both leave feeling a little more loved, a little more worthy, a little more like the daughters of a King who did not hesitate to embrace the dirty, the sick, the issue-laden, and the needy.

Like I said, I need you.  And you need me too.