Southern Hospitality

Scrub, scrub
Clean, clean
It's time to make
Our baseboards gleam!

Our special guests
Are on their way
Wouldn't want them
To have occassion to say:

"Melissa's house is just like mine
Full of pet fur and laundry and grime!"

Oh no! Heavens no!
That just won't do
We can't have them knowing
the real me and you!

Get to work!
Roll those sleeves up!
Don't turn on tv!
Haven't you heard of hospitality?

Oh no! Oh goodness!
They're almost here!
Slap on some lipstick
Hide the cheap beer

Open the door
Fling out our arms
Make small talk and banter
That oozes with charm

Scowl; fret at each fuzz ball
That litters the floor
Keep track of their flaws
Be sure to keep score

Suffer through dinner
Your back ramrod straight
Make sure that you offer
Tea, coffee and cake

Pray that they leave
Why are you so tired?
The conversation is lovely
But you're just not inspired

Finally they go
Off into the night
You've never been so happy
To see the glow of tail lights

Grab that cheap beer
Let your tummy hang out
Eat the leftover cake
Let your sheddy dog out.